A New Vision

Have you noticed that forgiveness changes how you look at the situation (and life in general)? As your story changes from the grievance story to the hero story, you realize that you have power and self-confidence. It all begins in your own head. You may not be able to make your spouse (or children) love you or care about you but you can change the way you think, feel and talk about the situation.

In Color Your Future,Taylor Hartman shares a scenario I found incredibly relevant to my own life:
Heroes embrace the fullness life offers. They are motivated by love, not fear. They stretch to enhance the lives of others, refusing to live for themselves alone. They accept that the winter times in life are inevitable, and learn to appreciate the solace of the spring.

He shares the experience of a client who came to him after years of living out the script of a victim which read something like this:

Be unhappy; play the part of loyal wife;don't talk to anyone about your pain, your sorrow; hide your feelings;care for the children; ask too little of your husband;resent not having priesthood leadership in your home; ask too much of yourself; use your children / grandchildren to replace what you should have had with him; hate your husband for not being faithful;be suspicious;feel powerless;be afraid of rejection; ;feel trapped;feel like a prostitute; feel like a victim! (I added some of my own script)

One day after years of blindly following her self-destructive script, she woke up and decided to abandon the old script. She filed for divorce. She sought nothing but a new role for herself and an opportunity to rewrite her script. She wished that some of the players from her old play would consider being in her new play as well. Others were not welcome. There were no roles in her new script for their limited character. Those deleted from her new script were furious. "How dare she? She will fall flat on her face! She would have been smarter to stay in her limited, albeit financially secure world rather than have to financially struggle to survive."
One friend applauded her for her courage. Some of her children understood their mother's motives for re-scripting her life and chose to play roles in both of their parents' lives. Others resented their mother for her sudden rewriting of the story line, and punished her by writing themselves out of her script. Some responses she expected. Others she didn't. Some people threatened to destroy her and send her groveling back to the script she had known too well and played for too long.

Displaying quiet dignity and courage, she scripted her new role:

Remember who you truly are (you are not who others say you are); like yourself; listen to the Holy Ghost and follow every prompting;incorporate charity into every facet of your life; remember there is only one primary relationship of eternal value-with your Savior; see good in everyone;remember the Law of the Harvest and give others what you eventually want to receive for yourself;forgive and extend compassion; exercise; laugh out loud; cry; connect with others; lift and bless others with your presence; try new things; eliminate fear; live on less; smile when you talk; serve with all your heart; live only in the now-this day might be all there is so live it purposefully; be kind; spend more time with kind, loving people; express gratitude for 1 new thing every day; make a difference in the world each day; remember Groundhog Day- BE A HERO! (This is my new script, not his client's)

"Be a hero," she mused. "So unnatural, so uncomfortable- yet so right. But I have no role models, no track record, no money..." NO MONEY!" she yelled out loud. "I have no money. I must be crazy to think I can pull this off. Who am I trying to kid?"
"You're not crazy and you are going to pull this off", a voice said, "Just keep rewriting your script one day at a time. It's just a new twist in your path. Take the new step. I believe in you. I've been waiting a long time for us to walk this road together." This was a voice she could trust; it believed in her. It was her inner core, demanding to be heard.


I think I was at a bookstore on one of my Saturday night 'dates' when I read this. I can't tell you how this resonated with me. From the people who wrote themselves out of my life to the little voice within; it was my story. Hartman goes on to say, "The (hero) charactered path offers no guarantees of comforting companionship. Your solace must come from within yourself. You must remain resolute in the face of ridicule and rejection to bestow your gift on those you CAN serve. You must walk some of the way alone. However, you will become less concerned with others' permission to risk, and more enticed by your opportunities to serve."

James Allen said, "You must have faith in the Supreme, faith in the overruling law (of love), faith in your work and your power to accomplish that work. You must follow under all circumstances the highest promptings within you. You must always be true to the divine self, to rely upon the inward light, the inward voice. Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results."

Somewhere in James Allen's writings he talks about how when you are on the right path, books and people will come unbidden into your life at just the opportune time.
I have found that to be so true and such an incredible blessing; like those "little packets of help sent from a loving Heavenly Father" that Elder Scott talks about. All the help adds up to a comforting witness that God does indeed answer our prayers. That 'grace'(or enabling power) comes after all we can do on our own. Our first step has to be changing our thoughts; looking at the situation with the mind of Christ. Accepting the agency of mankind is so vitally important.