I have encountered some well-meaning (and some not-so-well-meaning)individuals who have commented that "God would never want someone to get divorced, you must be deceived (or unfaithful or unforgiving or unmerciful or don't have a true understanding of the atonement or (you fill in the blank since you have heard it too)".
At Education Week this year I heard a few presentations which were especially enlightening. Mark Beecher discussed the Pahoran Principle (Alma 60-61): being careful about forming opinions on situations that you don't have all the information. Family therapist Dr Rick Hawks talked about dealing with loved ones involved in addictions. He shared so many principles which gave encouragement to be able to move forward with faith. "Real love for the sinner may compel courageous confrontation, not acquiescence" (Russel M. Nelson Ensign May 1994). "Don't intervene or soften natural consequences for deliberate decisions to violate commandments" (Richard C. Scott Ensign 1993). He used the Prodigal Son parable to admonish us to utilize the Sword of Justice (tough love). The prodigal got to a point where "no man gave to him and he came to himself". He was not able to come to grips with his situation and turn his life around until there were some dire consequences. Dr Hawks strongly encourages individuals to seek and act on the personal inspiration of heaven (as opposed to running to therapists and Bishops for answers).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXCuGvsThEw
Actually, it takes great faith and courage to act on inspiration you have received regarding your own personal life. There was a young fourteen year old boy who was treated very poorly by some people when he told them about his vision regarding the path he should take in his life. He recounted that although he was accused of being dishonest and was ridiculed, reviled and persecuted, he actually had received direction from God. He found the testimony of James to be true:that you can ask of God for wisdom and personal direction and actually obtain it. He now knew it and he knew it came from God! And he was able to withstand all manner of calumny throughout his life because of that sure knowledge.
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"Uninvited input regarding intensely personal decisions...and other intrusive verbal or behavioral assaults should never be heard or found in the (BYU) community. Happily they are rare, but when they do happen, they are extremely hurtful. Above all, none should ever attempt to impose guilt or distress upon another by being overzealous in interpreting the directions and counsel of the living prophets. The Brethren are extremely careful and clear about what they say and mean, and we should follow their example" (Elder Cecil O. Samuelson, BYU President Devotional 7 Sept 2010).
A therapist told me my husband is in porn because he thinks I am "too good". How do I deal with that? I am trying to be good - I am trying to be like Jesus.
Your husband is an addict and an addict is ALWAYS about blaming someone or something else. When true repentance has occurred, he will stop blaming and take full responsibility without downplaying the seriousness of his addiction or trying to pass the blame.
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