Eat Pray Love

I really am enjoying this book by Elizabeth Gilbert. There are 2-3 f-bombs but I highly recommend this book. An excerpt from Chapter 58:

"My prayers are becoming more deliberate and specific. It has occurred to me that it's not much use to send prayers out to the universe that are lazy. Of course God already knows what I need. The question is- do I know? Casting yourself at God's feet in helpless desparation is all well and good- heaven knows, I've done it myself plenty of times- but ultimately you're likely to get more out of the experience if you can take some action on your end. (See Ether 2:23, come up with a plan- not in the book)

Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine. If I want more transformation, but can't even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I'm aiming for, how will it ever occur? Half the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself, in the offering of a clearly posed and well-considered intention. If you don't have this, all your plans and desires are boneless, floppy, inert;they swirl at your feet in a cold fog and never lift. So now I take the time every morning to search myself for specificity about what I am truly asking for. I kneel there in the temple with my face on the cold marble for as long as it takes me to formulate an authentic prayer. If I don't feel sincere, then I will stay there on the floor until I do. What worked yesterday doesn't always work today. Prayers can become stale and drone into the boring and familiar if you let your attention stagnate. In making an effort to stay alert, I am assuming custodial responsibility for my own soul.

Destiny, I feel, is also a relationship- a play between divine grace and willful self-effort. Half of it you have no control over; half of it is absolutely in your hands, and your actions will show measurable consequence. What do I need to stop worrying about because it's not under my control, and which do I need to (work on) with concentrated effort?

There is so much about my fate I cannot control but other things do fall under my jurisdiction. I can decide how I will spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I eat, read and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life- whether I will see them as curses or opportunities (and on occasion when I can't rise to the most optimistic viewpoint, because I am feeling too sorry for myself, I can choose to keep trying to change my outlook). I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can change my thoughts.

This last concept is a radically new idea for me. It was brought to my attention recently when I was complaining about my inability to stop brooding. "You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select what clothes you're gonna wear every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control. Drop everything else but that. Because if you can't learn to master your thinking, you're in deep trouble forever."

On first glance this is seems a nearly impossible task. Control your own thoughts instead of the other way around? But imagine if you could? This is not about repression or denial. Repression and denial set up elaborate games to pretend that negative thoughts and feelings are not occurring. What he is talking about is admitting to the existence of negative thoughts, understanding where they came from and why they arrived, and then- with great forgiveness and fortitude- dismissing them. It's a sacrifice to let them go, of course. It's like the loss of old habits, comforting old grudges and familiar vignettes. Of course, this always takes patience and effort. It's not a teaching that you can hear once and then expect to master immediately. It's constant vigilance and I want to do it. I need to do it, for my strength.

So I've started being vigilant about watching my thoughts all day and monitoring them. I repeat this vow about 700 times a day: "I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore." Every time a diminishing thought arises, I repeat the vow. Harbor is a noun as well as a verb. A harbor, of course, is a place of refuge, a port of entry. The harbor of my mind is an open bay, the only access to the island of my Self. This island has been through some wars, it is true, but it is now committed to peace, under new leadership (me) who has instituted new policies to protect the place. And now- let the word go out across the seven seas- there are much, much stricter laws on the books about who may enter this harbor.

You may not come here anymore with your hard and abusive thoughts, with your plague-ships of thoughts, with your warships of thoughts- all these will be turned away. Likewise, any thoughts that are filled with angry or starving exiles, with malcontents, mutineers, violent assassins and seditious stowaways- you may not come here anymore either. This is a peaceful harbor, the entryway to a fine and proud island that is only now beginning to cultivate tranquillity. If you can abide by these new laws, my dear thoughts, then you are welcome in my mind- otherwise, I shall turn you all back toward the sea from whence you came.

That is my mission, and it will never end."

Check out this book!