Intimacy

Notes from I can't recall where; they are just in my 2008 small plates (journals with musing and insight from speakers, books, thoughts).

"Addiction renders a relationship empty, joyless and demoralizing. The relationship is contingent on sexual performance."

Aspects of Intimacy

Initiative: calls, reaches out, risks expressions of care; invite others to share activities/ problems; takes responsibility to maintain relationship.

Presence: Emotionally available to others; listens and attends to others; explicit about reactions; spends time with others; notices what happens to others; accepts attention of others.

Completion: finishes things = builds trust; finalize arrangements with others; acknowledges care; works for closure on problems; responsible to others' needs and wants; expresses appreciation for completed efforts.

Vulnerability: shares process of thinking and feeling; talks about dilemmas; involves others in discussions; allows feedback; reveals self not shared with others; fears and sense of inadequacies shared with others.

Nurturing: cares for others; makes caring statements; empathizes with others pain; supportive and encouraging; offers suggestions; affirms value of others; does things for others when it does not diminish them in any way; touches others.

Honesty: claims positive and negative feelings; clear about priorities and values; specific about disagreements; provides feedback when asked; admits flaws and mistakes; is fully known to intimates.


These are the aspects of intimacy that contribute to a satisfying sexual relationship.  Addicts believe intimacy = sex; the lack of these other aspects are what render the relationship so unfulfilled...what makes us feel  cheap and used.