The Fourth Stage of Becoming a Forgiving Person

I skipped Luskin's first three stages and want to focus on the most difficult and most powerful: becoming a forgiving person. At this stage you become resistant to taking offense. You take less personal offense; you are convinced YOU are responsible for how you feel and you tell hero stories.It does not mean we become a doormat or condone unkindness. You understand people are not perfect and we can expect them to hurt us sometimes.

* I want to react well when things do not go the way I want. I can forgive myself, forgive others and forgive life.
* Life comes with positive and unpleasant situations. Can I expect to have only good experiences come my way? I hope for the good and know I can forgive the bad.
* Life is a challenge. I want to be a survivor not a victim. (Like Joshua, I can say, "Give me this mountain!" to each hurtful situation. It becomes an opportunity for me to prove to myself I can be a forgiving person and live life as lovingly and full as possible.)
* Life is filled with beauty. I don't want to miss anything because I am stuck in remembering and holding on to old wounds.
* People do the best they can; the best way to help them when they err is offer understanding (or at least sympathy- I don't have understanding about some life-style choices people make.)
* I am not perfect. How can I expect anyone else to be?

Disappointments, hurts and wounds occur in all relationships. Sometimes people hurt us because they do what they want to do instead of what we want them to do. When you allow people to be different, you can forgive them. (You don't have to stay with them but you can allow them their choices and let go of your judgmental attitude; there is no peace in judging others. The only peace I have found is in charity-looking at others the way Heavenly Father looks at and loves them.)

The fourth level of forgiveness means we take the opportunity to forgive whenever we can. We understand how common it is to be hurt. We look to make peace. We look to give people the benefit of the doubt. We do not become a doormat but you understand the limitations of your point of view. (I ask myself, "Do I want to hold on to this bad feeling?" "Do I think I can take this feeling to the judgment bar of God and attempt to condemn the person?" "Am I the judge, jury and executioner here?")

Towards some people we feel such love that we are easily at the fourth stage: openhearted and and ready to forgive. Forgiving them does not mean we approve of all they do; it means we acknowledge our hurts but do not make the child or spouse the enemy. We have a reservoir of love that we can draw upon that allows us access to forgiveness. There are other people who have hurt you and you have no reservoir of goodwill to draw upon. Forgive For Good is written for these people.