Growth

I returned to the same beach yesterday that I fled to almost exactly four years ago after my breakdown over discovered further infidelities. I hadn't been to this beach since that day but I was ready for it. My friend told me how much growth she has seen in me over the past four years- she has seen me through the highs, the lows, the lack of support (financial as well as emotional), the court appearances, calls and releases, my travels/adventures; trying to cope with unhappy/illogical people...through it all she has been there for me. So if she says I have come a long way, I had to revisit the beach and reflect for myself on how far I have come.

What stands out to me is the testimony I have received that God's love is real. I have never felt so close to Him and been led by Him and been protected by Him in every way (physically, spiritually, financially, emotionally) as I have the past four years. I have always loved the scriptures but I only knew about God (the Sunday school answers)whereas now I know God. The pain and suffering of adversity was an excellent school master for me and I would not trade it for anything. That Orson F.Whitney quote has been realized as eternal truth by me: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we suffer … builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven …”

Learning to hold my tongue has been the greatest struggle. I know people in my personal life (as well as this forum)have wanted me to tell my children exactly why I got a divorce. I love my children more than any feeling of disgust, revulsion or revenge I have for their father. The hurtful, judgmental comments of my children over the past four years have sorely tempted me to lash out and tell them just what kind of husband their father actually was but I read about Jesus with those who falsely accused and condemned Him; he answered them not a word. That is the example I will continue to follow. I hear my children say "so and so has a lot worse marriage than my mom did and she is not getting a divorce" and I just smile. (I really have come a long way because I used to have to bite my lip or tongue to the point of blood and then smile...now I can just let it go and smile)

I must express gratitude for the life-experiences which have brought me to this level of testimony. I have a lively hope born of my faith in Christ that Heavenly Father loves me; He spoke to me on the beach four years ago; He has directed my feet in every way through separation,divorce and the joyful life I live today; He has continued to speak to me, giving me assurance that I am on the path which will result in personal sanctification and eventual exaltation with one of His righteous sons.

I wish I was at the side of a righteous companion today but if not... I find joy in my posterity and going "to the rescue" of whoever the Lord sends me. That results in the greatest growth of all.